April 29, 2013
April 26, 2013
Spiraling closer, a year in review part 2
We move in a week! Oi, I need to be packing instead of blogging.
So I left off coming home from Christmas at my parents. The depression that I had be fighting to deny was catching up with me and I felt like I was on a bad roller coaster. January sucked. It was cold and there were storms. My husband and I had started to seriously consider moving come May because his full time job would lay him off for the four months when college was not in session and there were not people here to feed in the cafeteria. The future was less certain than ever. I did not know where God was calling us and the uncertainty frightened me. I couldn't talk to my best friend because as uncertain and frightened as I felt, I knew her situation was much worse. Then we had a big fight. It was 90% my bad communication and I knew it as soon as the words left my mouth, they weren't how I meant to say it but it had been said. I apologized and waited. Like I said, January sucked.
February did not get much better. I got a second job because I had been working at Zellers and they were closing all their store at the end of March. My emotional state was a wreck, trapped in a cycle of guilt, and then there started to be constant stress from scheduling conflicts at work. I don't remember much else of February.
March I quite one job, the scheduling difficulties were too much for me. That left me with a job with very few hours a week but at least it was less stress. I put my spare time into getting a feast ready for the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism; Lots of fun! If you're interested in history you should check out your local group.)
The first week of April was exceptionally crazy. On top of my birthday, Easter and the feast my husband and I were hosting, my husband got a job interview Good Friday, was accepted for the job to start ASAP, we found out we had lost the hall for the feast Saturday, had a mad scramble to find a new hall in one week, had a 18th birthday party for a good friend, made a new outfit for the feast, found the new hall did not have a kitchen, cooked a meal for 45 in three different kitchens and carted the food to the hall, had two friends over night, and succeed in running a nearly hitch free event that everyone enjoyed!
After that run-on-sentence of a week, April slowed down only slightly. We confirmed we are moving to Saskatoon and found an apartment. We got all the finances (almost) in order to get said apartment as well as finding me a job up there. Now it's just packing, cleaning and letting reality set in.
Today the world feels lighter--especially with the 20+ weather all of a sudden!--but I still have bad days, and really bad days more often than not. I know that God has blessed us in this move, everything is coming together despite my fears and I do look forward to what He is bringing around this bend in the road.
The saddest part of all this has been leaving my church family that has grown here in the seven years I've lived in this funny little college town of Caronport. Last Monday we all had supper together and they sent us off with pray. It brought tears to my eyes and gave me more hope than they can know. I will hear from them all again, although not as often perhaps, and I know that God will have a community waiting for us in Saskatoon too.
So that has been my year. I look forward to my fourth year of marriage and what it will bring, God willing.
So I left off coming home from Christmas at my parents. The depression that I had be fighting to deny was catching up with me and I felt like I was on a bad roller coaster. January sucked. It was cold and there were storms. My husband and I had started to seriously consider moving come May because his full time job would lay him off for the four months when college was not in session and there were not people here to feed in the cafeteria. The future was less certain than ever. I did not know where God was calling us and the uncertainty frightened me. I couldn't talk to my best friend because as uncertain and frightened as I felt, I knew her situation was much worse. Then we had a big fight. It was 90% my bad communication and I knew it as soon as the words left my mouth, they weren't how I meant to say it but it had been said. I apologized and waited. Like I said, January sucked.
February did not get much better. I got a second job because I had been working at Zellers and they were closing all their store at the end of March. My emotional state was a wreck, trapped in a cycle of guilt, and then there started to be constant stress from scheduling conflicts at work. I don't remember much else of February.
March I quite one job, the scheduling difficulties were too much for me. That left me with a job with very few hours a week but at least it was less stress. I put my spare time into getting a feast ready for the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism; Lots of fun! If you're interested in history you should check out your local group.)
The first week of April was exceptionally crazy. On top of my birthday, Easter and the feast my husband and I were hosting, my husband got a job interview Good Friday, was accepted for the job to start ASAP, we found out we had lost the hall for the feast Saturday, had a mad scramble to find a new hall in one week, had a 18th birthday party for a good friend, made a new outfit for the feast, found the new hall did not have a kitchen, cooked a meal for 45 in three different kitchens and carted the food to the hall, had two friends over night, and succeed in running a nearly hitch free event that everyone enjoyed!
After that run-on-sentence of a week, April slowed down only slightly. We confirmed we are moving to Saskatoon and found an apartment. We got all the finances (almost) in order to get said apartment as well as finding me a job up there. Now it's just packing, cleaning and letting reality set in.
Today the world feels lighter--especially with the 20+ weather all of a sudden!--but I still have bad days, and really bad days more often than not. I know that God has blessed us in this move, everything is coming together despite my fears and I do look forward to what He is bringing around this bend in the road.
The saddest part of all this has been leaving my church family that has grown here in the seven years I've lived in this funny little college town of Caronport. Last Monday we all had supper together and they sent us off with pray. It brought tears to my eyes and gave me more hope than they can know. I will hear from them all again, although not as often perhaps, and I know that God will have a community waiting for us in Saskatoon too.
So that has been my year. I look forward to my fourth year of marriage and what it will bring, God willing.
Odd
Just a note;
I had 22 page views on Wednesday after having like 20 in total for two years. Odd...
I had 22 page views on Wednesday after having like 20 in total for two years. Odd...
April 24, 2013
A Year in Review, part one
Come the first of May we'll be moving to Saskatoon. It was around May last year that we finished our degrees and moved across town to figure out what we were doing next. It was a year in limbo, no longer students, not working in our train fields and barely making it by. There were both good and bad events, as in every year. And now I look forward to a life of possibilities that I had not dreamed of before. Each day God is surprising me with what plans He brings out of the chaos.
Over the summer both my husband and I struggled to get our act together and get our applications in for Seminary. I was looking at the counseling program and my husband debating between the pastoral counseling or the straight counseling programs. Both of us were struggling to write the simple five to eight page paper about ourselves. Looking back, we were tired from school, both of us spent seven (or more) years getting our B.A.s. My husband did come out with two full B.A.s and I had a B.A. with a minor, but still it had been a long run, especially since we both when to college straight out of high school. I also think that God had some important things for us to learn outside of classes.
In June we took in a high school student whose parents live over seas. So, in the second year of our marriage, we became guardians to a 17 year old who is now an undeniable part of our family. Walking with her as she grew in this year has been the best thing of this year, through all the ups and downs. We celebrated her 18th birthday this month and it has been a blessing to see her grown into a woman of God. Even as she moves on to board with someone else next year she will still be a part of our family and I thank God for the time that we've had.
Around the same time we also adopted a stray cat from down our street. I have missed having a cat around so much and I do think that those small animals affect my mental health. Minerva has been a hand full as she has grown from an overly excited fuss ball to a cat who is overaggressive in fear of other people. We are going to the vet soon to ask about her eyesight though; I am more and more convinced that she is at least partly blind and that is why she is so aggressive towards people who are not normally in the house.
In May my best friend got married. It was beautiful and fun and exciting. Although I have decided that I will not give the gift of a wedding cake when I am in the wedding party again, that was just too time constraining. It was a fun few weeks of preparation and parties and I was so glad for my two close friends that they would be starting their lives together.
We were active in our Church, co-leading a house church with our good friends. As the semester for the college students went on it became more difficult for us. Our house church was a majority college students and we were no longer peers but we were still trying to follow their schedule. (Perhaps this next year being out of a college town I will not think along the lines of the school year but that is still hard to imagine.) There was growth, but it was small and not always in the way we wanted to see it. We struggled through and tried to rest in the knowledge that God had plans that were not ours.
In early November, my Princess-cat, who was just over 19 years old, fell asleep in my mother's lap and did not wake up. Earlier that day I had seen them on Skype and I knew than that despite my hope, Princess would not make it until our Christmas visit. It is still hard months later. That cat was my best friend through out middle and high school, she knew all my secrets and mostly kept them: she would tell my parents if I wasn't in the house by 11 pm, so no sneaking out for me.
For Christmas my husband and I flew down to Southern Ontario to be with my family. It had been two years since I had last been home, although my Mom and Dad had made it out for our graduation the previous April. There was a lot of visiting and a lot of eating but it was restful too, a busy restful. I came back with a renewed sense of God's calling in my life and the conviction that I had been running from it in the year before.
That is the first six months of this past year. I had a lot more to say than I thought and I could say a lot more. I will continue this later.
Over the summer both my husband and I struggled to get our act together and get our applications in for Seminary. I was looking at the counseling program and my husband debating between the pastoral counseling or the straight counseling programs. Both of us were struggling to write the simple five to eight page paper about ourselves. Looking back, we were tired from school, both of us spent seven (or more) years getting our B.A.s. My husband did come out with two full B.A.s and I had a B.A. with a minor, but still it had been a long run, especially since we both when to college straight out of high school. I also think that God had some important things for us to learn outside of classes.
In June we took in a high school student whose parents live over seas. So, in the second year of our marriage, we became guardians to a 17 year old who is now an undeniable part of our family. Walking with her as she grew in this year has been the best thing of this year, through all the ups and downs. We celebrated her 18th birthday this month and it has been a blessing to see her grown into a woman of God. Even as she moves on to board with someone else next year she will still be a part of our family and I thank God for the time that we've had.
Around the same time we also adopted a stray cat from down our street. I have missed having a cat around so much and I do think that those small animals affect my mental health. Minerva has been a hand full as she has grown from an overly excited fuss ball to a cat who is overaggressive in fear of other people. We are going to the vet soon to ask about her eyesight though; I am more and more convinced that she is at least partly blind and that is why she is so aggressive towards people who are not normally in the house.
In May my best friend got married. It was beautiful and fun and exciting. Although I have decided that I will not give the gift of a wedding cake when I am in the wedding party again, that was just too time constraining. It was a fun few weeks of preparation and parties and I was so glad for my two close friends that they would be starting their lives together.
We were active in our Church, co-leading a house church with our good friends. As the semester for the college students went on it became more difficult for us. Our house church was a majority college students and we were no longer peers but we were still trying to follow their schedule. (Perhaps this next year being out of a college town I will not think along the lines of the school year but that is still hard to imagine.) There was growth, but it was small and not always in the way we wanted to see it. We struggled through and tried to rest in the knowledge that God had plans that were not ours.
In early November, my Princess-cat, who was just over 19 years old, fell asleep in my mother's lap and did not wake up. Earlier that day I had seen them on Skype and I knew than that despite my hope, Princess would not make it until our Christmas visit. It is still hard months later. That cat was my best friend through out middle and high school, she knew all my secrets and mostly kept them: she would tell my parents if I wasn't in the house by 11 pm, so no sneaking out for me.
For Christmas my husband and I flew down to Southern Ontario to be with my family. It had been two years since I had last been home, although my Mom and Dad had made it out for our graduation the previous April. There was a lot of visiting and a lot of eating but it was restful too, a busy restful. I came back with a renewed sense of God's calling in my life and the conviction that I had been running from it in the year before.
That is the first six months of this past year. I had a lot more to say than I thought and I could say a lot more. I will continue this later.
April 15, 2013
At Some Point
The feeling of chaos hasn't died off after graduation. At some point I need to figure out how to put it into words so I can remember it.
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