Chapter Two: God is Good

How, how!, could a pastor ever say such a thing? I know that it happens a lot more than it should but really, "you and/or your wife sinned and that is why your baby is terminally ill"?! Had he not read where Jesus healed the man blind from birth after the Pharisees asked him whether it was the man or his parents' sin that made him blind? Neither! It was so God's glory could be seen! It hurts so much to know that there are people who are drowning in guilt because someone told them they, or their loved ones, are suffering illness because of a particular sin.

Yes, sin has consequences. Yes, it can affect you, those you love and even those you don't know.

One place that I debate this with is on depression. Both my parents and I have had struggles with depression. My father is very much in the camp that if you do not take care of your body, mind and soul then you will become depressed. I agree with him for the most part but sometimes his statement is so harsh that it hurts. I know that when I don't get enough sleep or I don't eat properly then I fall into depression easier. I know if I do not guard my thoughts and focus on the negative and filth, I fall into depression easier. I know that if I am not right with God, if I'm ignoring what He is teaching me or worse running from what He has asked me to do, I fall into depression easier. So yes, there is a connection between my actions and my mental state. But yet, there are times where I am 'doing everything right' and I still fall into depression. It is much worse when I don't sleep or am running from God, but it is still there when I'm not.

Sin, the big capital-letter Sin, has corrupted God's creation. So there are sicknesses and disasters and things that corporately, despite race or religion, we look at and say that it is just wrong. Sometimes our sins have direct consequences, overt or subtle: I shoplift, I will get arrested but also the store owner suffers losses and may not be able to provide for their family; I commit adultery and divorce from my husband, my children and likely my grand-children will suffer through the abandonment issues and many other issues that come with it. Sometimes we see the consequences to our sins and sometimes we do not, but not every bad thing is caused by our sins, God is not waiting eagerly to punish us when we mess up.

Who is this good God who is not waiting to punish us? What does He do with suffering? He is Jesus, who did "not only explains suffering, He experienced suffering." My God is one who knows why suffering happens to the good and the bad, not just as a result of our sins but as a result of the brokenness of the world and says that He will not leave us alone here. It is a mystery but still true that Jesus is closer to me than I am to myself.

 
 

For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

(Galatians 2:19-20 ESV)

Grarg! Office 2010

I am in class, yep, blogging in class. Why? Because I am so frustrated with Office 2010! There was this wonderful feature of OneNote 2007 where you could network with your friends and work on taking class notes together. This would be awesome because some profs talk really fast. The only way that they have to do it is slow, and it does not do it with any other version of the same program. Grarg! I was so excited for getting it, and now it doesn't work.

P.s. I like the sound of leaves crunching under my feet.

New Netbook

I spent a lot of money today. I needed to though, my old computer died and it is really hard to do school without one. I feel bad about spending but it was necessary. Now it is just taking forever to format my new baby. She is an HP mini Compaq, who is 10.1" and has a reflective black surface. Any ideas for names? I thought maybe Hema? It seems cute and kinda fits. Anyway, back to formating her to my liking and eventually some homework.

Week One: Chapter reflections

This week I will stick to the reflection questions in the book.

Describe your own experiences with trying (and perhaps failing) to change. Could it be that the problem was not a lack of effort, but a lack of proper training? Explain.

What comes to mind first is my many attempts to read the Bible daily so that I could read it through. I have tried reading it from beginning to end, with and without the help of a reading plan, we a guide that took me to a different section of the Bible each day, one year, two year and three year reading plans; none of the attempts seem to last longer than a week. My longest stretch was at camp last summer where I did keep up my reading for two months.

I know that I have changed some things, usually not just by trying hard but by replacing the time I spent on those with spending time on something else. Is that proper training?

What comes to mind as you read about narratives that you have formed your way of thinking about the world?

I know there are definitely some good and bad narratives that I have inherited from my family. Sometimes the same narrative is both good and bad. I know that part of the message from my family is that when you are doing God's will, I can do whatever He asks of me, however at times I know I interpret that as if I should be able to do anything I put my mind to and set myself at tasks which I do not allow myself to fail. I always feel horrible when I have fail at something. I know there are some really good narratives I carry too, like trust in God no matter what is happening because He has promised to take care of me, even when that means saying no because what I want is not what is good for me.

Have you practiced spiritual exercises (such as prayer, Bible reading or solitude) in your life, and if so, with what intention and what result?

There have been many times where I pick up a spiritual exercise and practice it for a while. Sometimes I feel convicted in a Bible study that I don't read my Bible regularly enough, sometimes in a class I am challenged to do a retreat in solitude. Prayer is something that I couldn't live without but I am very sporadic with it. I may take a morning in deep prayer this week but next week only pray in two minute mini prayers or see a face online or in the hallway and pray for them quickly.

What has been your experience of Christian fellowship or community?

Overall, I have had amazing experiences with community: my church family growing up, my house church family here. They really are my family, odd relatives included. But I love them just as much as my own family, really it is only in community that we can know and understand love. I hurt for my friends when I see them pull away from community or say that they can do the Christian life just attending an online church. It's not how we were created to be. Even in my own life, it is when I am depressed and hurting when I pull away even though that is when I need people the most.

How do you see the Holy Spirit interacting with the three other components of change?

I liked the way that James Smith laid out this section of the chapter. The way that the Holy Spirit interacts with components of change are fairly obvious head knowledge, at least it is in a Bible school. In my life, I guess I see all three, although through community most strongly. I find it is easiest to miss things that deal with only my own life. I don't have the words to explain how I feel God's subtle direction or how a passage of Scripture is suddenly illuminated for me. I will have to think on this more because I'm sure they will want something like this for my grad portfolio.

Week One: What are you seeking?

I'm starting a Bible study based on the book The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. I'm very excited by the sound of it and about the group of women I'm working through it with. Part of the book is to journey along the topic, so I'm going to do some of that here.

This week we're starting to memorize the first half of Colossians 3. This week we'll just work on the first two verses though.

Colossians 3:1-2 (ESV)

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

September Again

My head spins with all that I have to do. I don't feel adequate for these demands. I'm never sure if it is myself or others which make them. I do not feel that I am as smart as people think; I would have written 'I am not' if I did not think that was a lie. School created chaos again. I had just got my routine down. Now already talks of summer and masters and life. I feel like every word I write is a struggle. Even what I enjoy is a struggle to get out of my head. I'm tired and I'm cramp-ie. I know that God has a plan and I know that I can finish what I've started. Still is feels like chaos. I wish often that I could write papers relationally instead of academically; at least that way I would have a better chance of getting my thoughts out. But maybe I am just out of practice, that these first few papers will be the hardest. Lord, I don't know what You have for me, but I know You have promised good. Please let me find the balance to live, not just survive.