7:42 in the morning

Eight seconds before it all sinks in

Put your best face on for the world

Fake another smile and just pretend

But you're just puttin' off the pain

Nothing's ever really gonna change

How do I explain the last five months? It has been five months of my new reality and, in some ways it hasn't really sunk in, but in others it has. I have been hurt to my core and I tried to hold it is, to hold myself together. But I realize that is just going to keep the pain fresh, and cause me to become bitter.

So let it hurt, let it bleed

Let it take you right down to your knees

Let it burn to the worst degree

May not be what you want, but it's what you need

Sometimes the only way around it

Is to let love do it's work

I cling to God's promise. I lay my hurt out in prayer and let myself feel all of it. I opened up to friends and family. I started writing about my feelings. I cannot live for myself, by myself. I don't work that way, so I hold onto God and my family and my friends.

I always feel the bitterness trying to sneak its way into me. I know how easily it could sour my memories, but I had happy times, and I want to remember them as happy.

She would always like to say,

“Why change the past,

When you can own this day?”

Today she will fight,

To keep her way.

She’s a rogue and a thief,

And she’ll tempt your fate.

I start to draw again. To listen to music again. To enjoy the little things. The tune is catchy and get stuck in my head. But what gets stuck in my heart is Sera's question. "Why change the past when you can own this day?" I want to own today.

I will be true to my hurt and pain. I will be true to the happiness of the past. I will pursue my God now. I will own this day by enjoying each moment.