My head spins with all that I have to do. I don't feel adequate for these demands. I'm never sure if it is myself or others which make them. I do not feel that I am as smart as people think; I would have written 'I am not' if I did not think that was a lie. School created chaos again. I had just got my routine down. Now already talks of summer and masters and life. I feel like every word I write is a struggle. Even what I enjoy is a struggle to get out of my head. I'm tired and I'm cramp-ie. I know that God has a plan and I know that I can finish what I've started. Still is feels like chaos. I wish often that I could write papers relationally instead of academically; at least that way I would have a better chance of getting my thoughts out. But maybe I am just out of practice, that these first few papers will be the hardest. Lord, I don't know what You have for me, but I know You have promised good. Please let me find the balance to live, not just survive.
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