Please not again...

So, it's a new semester and after 1.5 weeks of classes, I think I may go to the doctor to talk about depression again. I can count that it has been at least 17 days of feeling like I am on the edge of sanity and tears. Part of my emotionalism I blamed on my period but still, I've been catching myself thinking dark grey thoughts and then fear threatens to overwhelm me. Fear is still novel for me, although I do know it, but now I have put a name to it and I realized that I've been fearful for a long time. The foremost fear at the moment is of failing more classes. I did so miserably last semester and now it is hard to write any paper because I'm sure I will fail before I start. I still feel normal at times, but it is less than half the day I feel like that now... Well, I don't remember the rest of my train of thought but I have got this out now and that's important because I don't want to forget how I feel when I am more awake... Yes 17 days is long enough to go to the doctor... but I don't want to go on meds again... I hope with an outside perspective I can figure another way to get through this.